


Beside the sea

by LeviMilk



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: But it doesn't happen, Canon Related, Canon Universe, HARD SPOILERS, Light Angst, M/M, MANGA READERS ONLY, Manga Spoilers, Mentions of potential suicide, No Smut, Spoilers, not yet anyway, the boys aren't together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 19:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16393577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeviMilk/pseuds/LeviMilk
Summary: Eren and Levi have a chat, where Eren admits his dreams.





	Beside the sea

**Author's Note:**

> It's somewhat canon based, hard manga spoilers. My take on Eren running off.

The tea was bitter on Levi's tongue, but he continued drinking it anyway. Eren had insisted on making the pot for them to share, something that was meant to help them relax after yet another group meeting. The meetings had been constant, Hanji was unsure how to move forward without Erwin there to hold their hand, and that meant they were getting together at any possible point to discuss their choices.

To go to war, or to defend from their bases.

Ultimately, they had finally come to the decision to stay back. To stay on the land they knew, to not risk traveling over the ocean and starting a war they weren’t ready for.

The _opposite_ choice Eren wanted.

They sat together, sipping their awful tea and saying nothing. The tension in the room was thick enough to cut through with the dullest blade of iron bamboo, a form of guilt weighed heavily on Levi’s shoulders…

He voted no.

Voted _against_ Eren.

The twerp he loved but still wouldn’t fucking admit it. Yes, his vote was completely selfish, and if he had agreed with Eren then they would be preparing for war at that very moment. But he wanted to keep Eren safe. And that meant keeping him to himself and locking him in the basement every night.

Levi nearly jumped when Eren carelessly dropped his teacup onto the table, the disgusting over-brewed shit water splashed over the edge and onto the poorly treated wood. If the spill was left there it would soak into the table and make it warp. Levi said nothing and wiped the spill away, choosing not the scold the older teen when he knew he was in a bad mood already.

“I’m a killer, Levi,” Eren broke the silence at last, with words Levi wished he could wipe from his lips. “I’ve killed all these people,” he paused, his eyes trained on the cup of tea and refusing to make eye contact with his captain. “I may not have been the one to do it, but people have died because of me.”

Levi clicked his tongue, a usual habit but one that he was trying to use to calm Eren down. “That doesn’t make you a killer.”

“Someone has to be blamed,” Eren shrugged and looked up to Levi, his eyes flashed with the guilt of hundreds of lives on his mind. “And I’m the one at fault.”

“You can’t put that kind of blame on yourself-” Levi tried to explain.

“Even with your last squad,” Eren shook his head, a bitter smile forming over his lips. “I didn’t expect to feel this way for this long. To have this overwhelming amount of a nonstop pain and sorrow stabbing into my heart every damn day.”

Levi said nothing, he couldn’t. Because it was true, far too true. Every day he looked back on everyone he’s lost, his family, his friends, his fellow soldiers. Hell, Hanji still glanced at Levi with a look of judgement. One that said they were still unhappy with Levi’s choice to let Erwin pass.

“Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?” Eren asked, pulling Levi from his thoughts.

“Yeah.” Levi offered a small smile, one that he hoped would help. “One day. Maybe soon.”

“I’d like to go directly to the ocean.”

Levi grimaced, the salty water that he refused to touch. The sand that tried to swallow his boots whenever he walked along it. The only positive thing about the damn ocean was the way it made Eren smile. The way that shit head’s eyes would stare out into the sea and glow with the hope he held deep inside and refused to let go of.

“The ocean, huh?” Levi replied and grabbed the rim of his tea to take another sip but changed his mind. The salt water would probably taste better at this point.

Eren nodded, his eyes shining from the dream. “The ocean. With Armin and Mikasa, it’s been out dream since we were kids. Maybe we’d get a boat,” Eren grinned and leaned back in his chair. “Travel so far past these walls that I can finally forget about all of this. The friends and family I’ve lost, the blood, the gore, all of it.”

The captain leaned forward to watch Eren, a dread filling him when the smile on Eren’s face didn’t drop. Like this was actually something he planned, something that wasn’t possible.

“You know what Armin first told me about the ocean?” The smile still didn’t fall, if anything it grew larger.

Levi shook his head, “No.”

“That it has so much salt, that all the merchants in the world could try for years and still wouldn’t manage to collect it all.” Eren sighed, “That’s where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.”

“It sounds nice.”

“I’d open a little tea shop for you,” Eren said like it was a promise, one he would never forget. “Right on the beach, we could wake up together every morning and just spend the day watching the waves.” He gestured to their still almost full mugs, “ drink tea that doesn’t taste like shit.”

“Right on the beach?” Levi knew he was touching into Eren’s dreams and that he shouldn’t have. But hearing the younger male talk about something so intimate.. Something they’ve never talked about before... it felt good.

But there was still this underlying fear within Levi. The happiness in Eren’s voice, the soft smile, looking so relaxed with a subject that was a dream. And would only ever be a dream.

“I’d want you there with me.” Eren answered, uncaring that he was coming on a bit strong to his superior officer.

Levi looked down to his mug, the tar inside would most likely stain the white cup if he didn’t wash it soon. He didn’t really care about the mug or the tea, he just knew he wouldn’t be able to make eye contact with his next words. “I don’t think I could do that, Eren.”

“I think you could,” Eren pushed and moved closer to Levi, going so far as to reach out and grab his hands. Levi shivered from the touch, his mind told him to rip his hands away but he couldn’t. They were warm and soft in his own, too perfect to let go of. “I know you could,” Eren squeezed his hands, making Levi’s heart speed up from the small reassurance.

“Eren..” Levi sighed and pulled his hands away slowly, making any smile Eren had left fall in just seconds. “In here, behind these walls, I’m the man that can protect you. Out there? I’m no one. The ocean?” Levi chuckled at the idea, him on the beach? “Shit, it would scare me to death.”

“Not me,” Eren said without a doubt in the world, the confidence only doing more to worry Levi. “I didn’t pick this life, I didn’t want to be this monster. I never wanted to watch everyone around me die while they were just trying to protect someone as useless as me.”

“You shouldn’t do this to yourself, Eren. These are pointless dreams.” It was harsh, but it was what Eren needed to hear. “The ocean is way past these walls, and for now you’re stuck in here. That’s the way it is.”

Eren clenched his jaw, the muscles there flexing as he grit his teeth together. “Yeah. That’s the way it is. It’s out there and I’m in here.” Levi didn’t miss how Eren made fists under the table, the teen’s nails digging into the palm of his hands. “I guess it comes down to one fucking thing, get busy living or get busy dying.” His words were overflowing with venom. The chair Eren sat in screeched back, the teen seeming to want to end their conversation.

Levi reached out to grab the sleeve of Eren’s jacket, keeping him there before he would let him get away, “Eren-”

“Levi.” Eren crouched down, putting himself eye to eye with his still seated captain. Levi couldn’t help but wonder when the brat had gotten so tall. “If you ever get out of here, do me a favor.” His breath brushed over Levi’s lips, reminding him of the love he held for Eren. One they would never speak of.

“Anything.”

“Don’t let this shit eat you alive.”

Levi shook his head, confused. “What are you saying?”

“It will destroy you quicker than any titan,” Eren began, his hands moving up to grab the sides of Levi’s face like he was afraid he would look away. “Faster than any bullet. Eat you alive from the inside out. Promise me, Levi. If you ever get out of these walls, that you’ll live your life like you deserve to.”

“I promise.”

Their lips met, only for a moment, not even long enough for Levi to process what was happening. Then Eren was gone, retreating to his cell to sleep alone and locked away from all the others.

Every man had a breaking point, and it terrified Levi that Eren may have already met it at such a young age. He had the entire population lives on his shoulders, the only hope that they held onto and refused to let go of. Eren wanted to fight, to take down the people across the ocean that threatened their freedom. The decision not to fight was Eren’s death sentence, Levi only wished he knew that before it was too late.

Throughout his entire life, Levi had troubles sleeping. But that night was the worst. He thought back to each time they talked during the previous weeks, how hard Eren tried to convince him to be on his side and go to war.

How he had asked to keep a gun ‘for protection’ in his cell the night before the last meeting.

It was his decision to make. One that Levi would let him make on his own. He just prayed he wouldn’t hear the shot when it happened.

The morning couldn’t come soon enough, Levi was already up and ready to start on his usual schedule. Get redressed, wash up, and go grab breakfast. At least it wasn’t his job to get up even earlier and cook for the kids in his squad.

Unfortunately, he was met with dread when Eren wasn’t in the kitchen with the others. His entire squad was sitting at their table, eating some kind of porridge with Eren’s seat being empty. He missed the orbs of green that would normally follow him into the room and brighten when Levi sat beside him.

“Where’s Eren?” Levi asked, his stomach dropped when none of them could answer.

He sprinted to the cell, Mikasa hot on his tail, both of them knowing Eren well enough to know that something wasn’t right. Levi was screaming on the inside, everything in him begging him not to be the one to find Eren laying in his cell.

But when they reached the cell, it was empty. Levi barked for Mikasa to call for Hanji, to tell their commander that Eren had escaped through a gaping hole in the wall.

Levi walked into the cell to grab a note that sat on Eren’s bed, something he was glad Mikasa missed when she went to get Hanji.

 

_Dear Levi,_

_Don’t forget about our tea shop. I’ll see you in Marley._

_Eren_

 

That little shit, he wasn’t giving up just yet.


End file.
